Here's a tip...

...for the waitresses I work with.
Purchase a brain. You can use your tips from the old perverts who basically pay to stare at your chest.

Do not come up to the cook's window ever again with two pieces of pie like this and ask,
"Which is the coconut cream?"



The coconut cream pie will always be the one with the coconut.

Here's an equation: coconut + cream + pie crust = ... yes, coconut cream pie.Bananas go on.. umm.. oh boy, this is tricky. perhaps the banana cream pie?

Dumbass.

cooking pot.

I never realized how much people liked smoking pot, that is until I started working in restaurants.



Restaurant #1: One day a year or so back I went to the freezer to find two of our line cooks in there with dryer sheets in hand smoking pot. Wow.

Another time it was my assistant manager, and in the parking lot, it was our other cook and salad bar guy.

They no longer work there.



Restaurant #2, the one cook bribed the other potheads with buds for favors. Haha. I don't have buds, so I'm usually screwed.



It wasn't peer pressure, but I did try the pot in the parking lot of resaurant #2. Just to try, my friend.

But yeah, I just want to end this post by saying, I do not smoke pot. Ha. Thanks. :)

Vegetable of the Day..

Irony in a can.

I worked at restaurant #2 where the Christmas Tree a.k.a. the owner basically said that I can't cook.
So idiot cook #1 asked if I put bacon on a tray for him and I said, "yes, but I don't know how to cook, so.."
and the Christmas Tree (oh, I'm so tempted to use the name of the restaurant), denied even saying it, and she was basically overly bitchy and annoying. She can barely even use the cash register.

but.. umm.. yeah..
so I go to restaurant #1.
The owner calls and asks apparently the "important" workers how my performance is and junk.
She then asks to speak with me over the phone and says she is impressed with my cooking/other skills. Ha, and I'm getting a raise.

So I guess I can suck out loud and get a raise (eventually) all in one day.

No Pants, No Service.

I always believed something to that effect should be added to the "No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service" signs.

Anyways, this old man, possibly between the ages of 60 and 65, likes to come in and eat regularly.
And by regularly, I mean whenever the cute blondes work.

He is what I classify as the old-man-pervert-creeper.
He sits at the counter and flirts with the waitresses, who are overly-friendly for a nice chunk of change.
In the mean-time, I proceed to fill the salad-bar and alas, I turn to find your disgusting old buttcrack sticking out.
Please, put your shit away.
I promise no one is interested.

Special of the Day...

Sitting is free.



In restaurant #1, we have signs hanging that are obviously old.
They are from when the restaurant originally opened in the 1930's.
Yet, I get questions, complaints, and annoying attempts to be witty from customers.

...



"Ma'am, err, excuse me miss? Is paying for a table really necessary?"
"Will the table charge be added to my bill?"
"What's the difference between a small and large table?" *points to sign*

Note the sign has a coca cola logo.
The clock in the background and the soda machine are PEPSI.

So now, I must argue with said customers who cannot grasp the concept we only have Pepsi products.
"I'd like a Coke, please"
"Is Pepsi alright?"
"No, it says Coke"
*points to sign*
"Oh, I'm sorry. That's an old sign. We only have Pepsi."
*5-second pause*
"Just give me a water!"

Good, and you can use the water to wash down the non-existant 25 cent hot-dogs we sell.

Hairnets are for the birds.

The owner of restaurant #2 is a royal pain.
I'm sorry for putting it so bluntly, but you are, lady.

I'm tired of how you look like a christmas tree with your green shirt and red socks visible due to your flood jeans.
Besides that, stop telling me to wear a freaking hairnet.
I know I can't have my hair flowing onto my shoulders (although I'd prefer).
I will gladly pull my hair back or wear a hat of my choice.

I will not, however, wear that stupid universal hat that has been on everyone's heads already.
I also, will never again wear the ridiculous cafeteria worker hairnet.

I will not wear it in my hair.
I will not wear it here or there.
I will not wear it on a box.
I will not wear it with my socks.
I will throw it in the trash,
so you can kiss my ash.

It's bad enough I'm working at 6am; do not scream at me for not wearing a hat.
I don't get paid enough to buy one.

Now, I must get ready to work at restaurant #1.
Wish me luck, my friend.

Behind the Scenes..

The special for today is having no customers for two hours,
with a side of boredom. Your beverage is not included.

Restaurants have down time, and then they have "dead time" in which no customers come in. My boss constantly told me, "there's plenty to do".This plenty includes cleaning, prepping, re-stocking, more cleaning... So then what?

These pictures were from back in the day, a restaurant I've been working at since 2004.
Keep in mind, I was only 16 years old at this time...

This is me and a dishwasher attempting to imitate a pretty crappy movie:
I think we did a fair job. =)

And this one is a dishbin race; we basically moved at the pace of the song Rowboat by Emily Haines. Haha.

so, there's a new restaurant perspective for you.

Just an appetizer

Hi! I just want to apologize to the three top who ordered a senior meatloaf, a meatloaf dinner, and an order of liver and onions. We only had two pieces of meatloaf left and despite I insisted upon telling you this information, my manager made me withhold it. As a result, I was forced to give half of an 8 oz. hamburger and fake it into a senior meatloaf. I'm terribly sorry you paid nine bucks for a portioned out hamburger. My boss is a douchebag.

Love, your microwave chef.

Discussing Politics over Dinner..

..might just lead to a food fight of sorts.

Yesterday, Chelsea Clinton visited my college campus.
Being a very liberal democrat, I stood in line for a few hours and managed to be in second row.
The experience was something I decided to share with my co-workers.

This in-turn brought up some disturbing and very ignorant views on politics that I didn't even realize people thought about.

So, let me just begin by saying, yes, I am a Democrat, but I'm very open because I'm fond of Ron Paul as well.
Mentioning this at work led to most people I work with asking me, "Who is Ron Paul?". Wow, that's pathetic. No offense, if you are not aware of who he is. Google him, and perhaps you will gain some insight.

Anyways, my mention of seeing Chelsea Clinton at school led to numerous discussions and questions...

"Is Chelsea the one with the green teeth? I know she has green teeth." No, she does not have green freaking teeth, thanks.
"Those Democrats, I can't even vote for them." Pfft, why not?

Intellectual thoughts on Hillary by my co-workers.
"Her eyes are all buggy".
"She is a woman"
"Her husband cheated on her"
"She just wants power"

Okay, so these are somewhat typical, but the Obama conversation really got me fired up.
"I don't trust him. You know he is Muslim?"
"Yeah, and they want a terrorist to be President"
"The country is going to be blown up before we know it!"

My thoughts:
How fucking racist are you?
He's been in these elected positions before.
For Christ's sake, he's a senator.
He for surely would have blown up the place by now.

All I say is, he is an American you know?
and they tell me about all of his ties as if they are government spies and they know him front to back.

Whatever.

This is my cue to leave.
The only candidate they have left to vote for is John McCain, who we might as well call the-hundred-years-war-man, or George Bush III.
but hey since they think they can do a better job, maybe they can write themselves in and establish a .000002% vote for themselves. Of course, this number would be a lot less, but you get my drift.

I hope you enjoyed your side dish for the day.