I love..

the back of the house.
This includes the kitchen staff and dishwashers.
Well, I like the young back of the house.

Anyways, this is today.
COOK: Is this fish even done? Only part of it is floating.
I walk over and look at it.
Meanwhile, the dishwasher just walks through the door.
I say, "yeah, when the white stuff comes out, it is done".
The dishwasher says, "yeah, that's usually how it works."

I love, love, love it. Haha.

gross.

I love how crude cooks can be.
I went into work for my paycheck on Wednesday.
I was wearing a skirt, and not a skanky one either.

It was a pretty cute plaid one and it had a bow..and that's not the point.
Today, I go into work and the cook is standing there and he's talking to me for awhile before he calls me over to the fryers and says,
"Hey, next time you come in wearing a skirt, you shouldn't wear underwear and we could have a quickie downstairs."

How romantic, and then before I leave,
"Hey rememeber what I said."

Haha, yeah I remembered, and I hope your girlfriend reads this. :)

5 Signs your manager is quitting on you:

1. She schedules herself less and less hours (despite being on salary).
2. She doesn't do her extra work, because she doesn't care.
3. She takes her husband off the schedule completely.
4. She calls off of work when there is no one else to fill her spot.
5. She takes all of her stuff home.

duh.

FAQ's

I don't know how many more of these I have, but these are just questions I've been asked...

Q1: I like my co-worker; do I go for it or just keep it a secret?
A1: Well, does your co-worker like you? If not, save yourself the embarrassment and awkwardness.
I'm the type that says just go for it, even when they aren't TECHNICALLY available. Haha.
Don't make a fool of yourself, because you have to work with this person the next day. Oh and the one person he told, and the one person you told just told everyone else and now the rumors are beyond fixing.

Good luck!

So..

I got a new job today. I will keep this blog going, because I'm still working in the restaurant number 2, as I will continue to call it for lack of confusion.
This other job is at a playhouse (they have shows and stuff there, like from broadway. get your head out of the gutter, my friend).
It'll be included in my other blog (see my profile).

Anyways, my last blog was about sending stuff back.
I need to check out this movie, and you should too, although this DOES NOT happen everywhere, in fact I have yet to see it.
well, not all of it, and I will explain this once I see the movie.
Here's the trailer, it's called Waiting.

FAQ's

Q1: The food I got sucked! What should I do?
A1: Tell your server. Most likely they will offer you something else. If it's a steak or a burger, the cook may be asked to fire another one on the fly.

Something to know about steaks and meats in general, when you order the food, many restaurants undercook it slightly to what you requested. This is done purposely because if you overcook it, you have to make a completely new one if someone doesn't like whereas undercooked could be put back on the grill and made to your liking.

As I cook I feel like you should always say something if you don't enjoy your food. You're paying for it, and we're here to cater you.

If you ate half of it, piggy, then that's just asking for a free meal! Say something right away to avoid conflict.

Q2: I'm afraid the cook will spit in my food. Will you spit in my food if I send it back?
A1: My question is have you seen Clerks 2 or something? Also, have you seen some of the ridiculous movies out there? Please don't believe everything you've seen.

Honestly, someone might spit in your food one day, but it's doubtful.
I eat out a hell of a lot, because I work so much. I would NEVER and I don't know a single cook who would ever do so.
I guess this is more realistically found in fast food joints, and typically there are people being supervised. Please don't refuse to eat out because of this.

If you want to send something back, always be nice about it. The waitresses will be quick to tell a cook/superviser about the pain-in-the-ass at table 11, but they usually will say "oh those people at booth 4 were very nice about it".

problem solved.

FAQ's

So, I think I'll give you some frequently asked questions I've been asked over my next few posts.
Some will be realistic, others sarcastic, naturally.
Here we go, my friend, and if you have any questions, just ask.

Q1. How much should I tip a waitress?
A1. There are many answers to this question, but I guess it depends on the type of waitress you get and the type of person you are.

Did the food suck? If it did, then you weren't eating my food. Haha, just kidding.
If the food was awful and you were upfront about it, how did the waitress handle the situation? Did she offer you options: new food, a way to fix it, did she offer to take it off the bill?

Was she friendly? Did she cater to what you needed?
Did she seem knowledgable?

Bottom line is, if you had a good waitress, you really should tip 15% of the bill. All restaurants legally must make waitresses claim their tips for taxes; most places [all places I've worked at] have their waitresses claim 10%.
That is the absolute minimum you should tip, if you have an awful waitress.

I mean, stiffing a waitress, despite how blonde is never recommended by me, but the situation definitely influences your decision.

I, as a restaurant employee never tip below 20%, but I haven't had the most awful service ever, so I'm somwhat biased.

Today, the saga continued,

and I'm so irritated.

I got my haircut; it's short and not in my face, so why would I wear a hat now?
It's better than before when it was longer.

My manager is a lunatic.
I am NOT going to buy my own hairnets or a stupid camo trucker hat that you sell in the restaurant.

I'll keep saying it..

Cooks are the most obnoxious, sarcastic [and fun] people you will ever work with, hands down.
Of course, if you're the type of server who cries because I get mad when you put five checks up at one time, then you're much too weak to be friends with a cook.
This means, you should probably look into a job as a cashier at the local mini-mart or the mall.

I think, I could possibly be, one of the worst and best at the same time.
I have my weak moments, where I sympathize for the new waitress who drops the pork and sauerkraut in front of her customers, instead of calling her a dumbass.

I promise, we don't just criticize the waitresses.
We talk about everyone, even the owners.
If you can't even spell tomorrow, you'll be lucky to have the brains to keep your business running until then.
If you're a cook and you don't know the difference between a fish sandwich and a chicken patty, we let you know you suck.

Alright, I'll admit, we're not perfect. We make mistakes, but you shouldn't call us on it for two reasons.
1. We don't make as many in a month as you make in a day.
and
2. At the end of the day, it comes down to the fact that we are cooking what you put into your bodies.

Enjoy. =)

never trust a [not-so-skinny, eighty year old] cook

I love arguing with the owner.
We have a prep cook who has this desire to cook everything from memory, without recipes.

The problem is, she is over-the-hill..almost twice, oh, and she has this obsession with using corn starch in EVERYTHING.

Today, I decided enough is enough.
The food, in all honesty, sucks when she cooks it.

I told the owner how I felt, specifically how I hate the way the gravy looks/tastes/is made. Basically, the gravy is SLOP.
She told me to make it myself, so here's the rest of the conversation.

ME: Well, why do we have a prep cook?
HER: To cook everything else.
ME: But it all looks awful.
HER: Well then maybe the cooks who don't like her food can make it.
ME: Fine.
HER: Then we won't need a prep cook.
ME: Me and [other cook] will just freaking do it then.
HER: When will you find time?
ME: Well I could do some of it right now.
HER: She is staying; let's not talk about this anymore.

There is so much wrong with that place.
The food is awful. Goldilocks would never think it's "just right".
The building itself looks like the big bad wolf could blow it over.

My boss doesn't like to listen when I complain, then says that she will tell the prep cook that the reason why she has to follow the recipes is because I DON'T LIKE THE FOOD. I said, all of the cooks complain and even the manager has told you.

I will let you know how this disaster goes. Haha.

obsessive-compulsive, much?

I have OCD, majorly.

It often comes out while I'm dishwashing.

We send the silverware through the dishwasher on a flat tray and then separate it into forks, knives, spoons, steak knives, tablespoons, et cetera.
Well, when I do it, I separate it like this:
1 fork, 2 fork, 3 fork, 4 fork...
1 knife, two knife...
...8 soup spoon, 9 soup spoon...
It eventually becomes:
87 spoon, 88 spoon.

Yes, I've lost count, but I end up starting over.
I don't know why, but my mind does this subconsciously sometimes as well.

Damn dishwasher.

beets?

Does anyone know why I say, "make sure everything is dated in the cooler"?
Everyone gets so mad when I say to do this, mostly waitresses.
I guess it's because they are too lazy to write three numbers.
The typical response from this one lady is,
"We are going to use it before it goes bad."

Well, yesterday when I was cleaning out the cooler, there was a container that was dated.
It was a jug of red beets, and it definitely said "09-24-07".
Ha, and you don't know how tempted I was to put them in a monkey dish and offer them to you.

Disgusting.

higgamajig!

I worked a 14 hr. shift today (6am-8pm). I've been tired; sorry, but anyways, here we go. :)

My manager's husband has a plethora of stories.
Sometimes, I wonder if they're true, but cheese and rice, some are so weird, I wonder who could possibly make them up.

We will call this person H; this is how I'll reference him in the future.

and this is H's story (obviously not the EXACT quote, but close enough...

"When I was around ten, I was hanging out with my cousins and my one older cousin said, 'Hey, I have to show you guys something really cool!' He took us into the living room and showed them how to "higgamajig". We had no idea what it was, but when we found out, we were shocked. Of course we were j*rking off and all guys do it but at the time we thought we were the only people in the universe who knew about it, like it was a big secret, and we called it higgamajig."

Some of the people at work know the story and the people who do not are always confused because we often reference things in the restaurant back to it, as in:

"It was so busy, no one had time to even higgamajig".
or
"Did you higgamajig lately?"

and perhaps this is immature, inappropriate, or I suppose disgusting to some, but it makes me laugh and the day goes by faster, so it's fun.

sorry, everyone.

I promise, promise, promise I will fix this post with a good story.
I'm last-minute studying for an exam I have at 2, and I still have to get my butt back to school.

Wish me luck,
and I will post late tonight! :)

No food for you!

I'm cooking, and of course I have a "waitrissue" which means, the waitress was getting on my freaking nerves, also known as a waitress issue.

Okay, so she puts in an order for a wrap, and writes no tomato. It typically comes with lettuce and although the menu says mayo, we are told to not put it on unless the customer asks.
So, I ask her if she would like mayo, and she responds by saying, "You should know the menu". Haha. It turns out they did want it, and I hear her say, "Yeah, she can't cook. Ha. Ha. Ha".

Ten minutes later, she told me she was hungry, and I responded in her voice (which sounds like she sucked a helium balloon) "Sorry, I can't cook. ha ha ha".

Don't mess with a cook, I promise you'll get burned.

parking lot.

I love the people I work with. We have a good time.
I complain a lot, but in the end, I'm happy.

There's this on-going joke at restaurant #2 about "higgamajigging".
I promise I will explain this in tomorrow's post, but I want to leave you in suspense.
Maybe you can guess what it is.

I'll leave you with a little dialogue from today.
This was after work in the parking lot.

Owner D hears dishwasher J is a virgin.
Owner D: You are? How old are you?
J: 17
Owner D: You can't be one if you HIGGAMAJIG.
Me: Yeah, you can.
Owner D: Well, he's not gonna be if he hangs out with you in the parking lot!
J: Yeah, could you leave for a minute?

LOL.

turrrkeyyy, turkeeyy?

Okay, so one day the restaurant was basically dead.
One of the waitresses was attempting a crossword puzzle.
Can you even guess how this went? Haha.

The clue was: "Neighbor of Turkey". It was written just like that.
The waitress sat there staring.
I'm like, "what's wrong?"
She said, "I thought it was "chicken" but that's seven letters.
Maybe it's beef!"

Turkey is capitalized. I'm sure it means a country.
Perhaps Iraq.

In the meantime, she called to another waitress, who looked at it and said,
"Oh gee, I don't know.. Chicken has too many letters".

salad!

These are two salads I made at my one job recently:




The first is "Asian Chicken salad".

The second is a chef salad.

and they look banging. Well, I think so.

PS. I have a waitress story for tomorrow.